You were so consumed with your feelings that you did not even mind if it includes getting hurt, settling priorities aside, or losing what was already there. 

He was every thing sweet and spicy but despite the inconsistency he has shown with whatever you have, you chose to stay. To take that risk of being loved and giving someone the chance to break you to pieces in the simplest yet most painful way imaginable. 

On the first night of things being “gone”, you still have refused to believe the reality. Deep inside you kept on hoping for something good to happen that would instantly make things go back to the way they were. Hence, the tears. It is the most perfect time of the day when nobody can hear you shout, listen to your wishes, and see your pain. 
Every night, it’s the same cycle.

Until one evening you suddenly stopped. You were just idly staring at the ceiling, still thinking of the same thing but the feeling seems to have…faded. Has it? Or was it just because you already grew numb of feeling the same pain over and over and over again. 
Then it dawned into you.  
You’re tired.
Just tired.

You thought of it - letting go. Finally accepting things to how they really are. To stop the fantasies and daydreaming of being with him again, doing the silly things you have; the things you have planned doing with him are now but broken dreams.

But with this you knew that it involves another long run of sleepless nights.
Although this time, you’re not crying because you are hurt rather you’re scared of being alone…all over again. Of feeling, lost.

Your friends heard of what you have been thinking of and all slowly the thought started to get brighter.
They were there to listen, to comfort you, to curse who hurt you, to hug you at the times they knew you needed without even telling them you do, telling you things will be okay even if you seemed to be the greatest pessimist out there.

Friends. They have never failed you. They stayed even if they were like broken records on reminding you shedding a tear to him was not worth it anymore. You have them, right? What’s with feeling so off. 

Stop crying now. 
You’ll be okay.  

That one statement capsulizes of what’s happening between I and…Element. 

Yes, there’s still contact but aside from that personal conversations are barely existing. It’s quite surprising that someone so damn special to you (.. before?) could just pass by without even that slight of giggle and teasing. 

Strangers -> friends -> special someone -> stoop down a level -> conflict -> STRANGERS AGAIN 

I did not believe that it can happen before. I thought it was just some random quote that people made up, until it actually happened to me. Shocked myself when your feelings and mind could have such conflict. 

How mysterious feelings work your system up. 

Would you still dare say “Yes.” to chances if you have given one person too much, but still got a vague relationship after it all? Will it still be something worth it, taking into context that you got hurt? 

My mind says “No, you’ll end up hurt again”, but my heart says “How will you know if you don’t give it a shot?”

You know maybe, maybe I do want him back and yes he used to be one of the things I look forward to everyday, I may need him back. But this time he as to make it up for every goddamn tear I shed. He must prove to me that he’s worth a another motherfucking chance. Saying “I’m sorry” won’t be enough this time, it’s going to take a lot of effort, guts and a lot less of pride, realize what wrong you have done because I’m tried of admitting mine. 

It’s your turn to try because honestly I’m done. I’ve played my role, it’s now you part. Impress me, because I’m going to make you feel the pain I’ve gotten myself into because of you. 

-From my planner

I broke the promise you’d hear of him last after telling him everything that day, after stopping what was happening. I lied that I have accepted reality because truth be told I die inside bit by bit every time I look back. Yes I still look at what could have, what ifs and would have beens. But I would also lie if I tell you I never became bitter, because I have. I wanted the feeling to go away so much. Badly that I used that “manner”, which was not very helpful at all. I still need you until now, but maybe that is just for the mean time since that both of us are fully letting go just yet. We will eventually learn to…go ahead.

• First Dance- Scientific 
• Last Dance - Element 

And I’m glad they both took a special moment in the most special night. I got to tell them both what I had to :)